Pink latte journal

-19 June 2016-

For about 4 years ago, I decided to break up with him. Leaving him with endless misery. Without any rigid reasons why. I told myself that it's gonna be okay and I will eventually forget him. He will meet someone better than me. Without even thinking about myself even though I know it that I still love him wholeheartedly. I said it's fine just to be his friend. I thought we could repair the broken and impaired part of our 2 years invisible-red-string.

1 year passed by, we are just friend. My heart keeps on told me that I missed him. I miss his voice, so I called him on his birthday. He answered. We had small talks but I know he is different. I thought I was fine. I still smile from that little bliss time I had with him. But little did I know, that was the last time I could heard his voice.

1 years and 6 months passed by, we are strangers. We chat sometime but I was the one who started it. I thought he was busy with his assignment and stuff. Our bond seems faded and eventually lost completely. I try to move on. I try to find a new crush, new love or whatever bullshit that can divert my attentions towards him. I proudly told everyone about that little lie. I even told everyone about our love story - which is a lie and truly blame him. With all the pieces of "little lies" and "true stories", I told myself that I had moved on. Sh-t..

2 years passed by, I heard he already engaged with another girl. His mother choice. I didn't cry or feel sad but I was surprised. I ask him and he explained to me that he already move on, he had someone better. I felt the hole inside my heart, hurt but I said I'm fine. I start to feel it. But I tends to ignore it.

2 years and 6 months passed by, The hole grew bigger in me. I started to reminisce every single momento I had with him. Sweet. Bitter. Sour. Hurt. I stop told myself that I was okay. I WAS okay. Was- I lived every single day dreaming about him, try hard to fill in the hole inside me. I felt so tired and lost in confusion. I told myself that I am still in love with him. There's nothing like us, like him and me.

3 years passed by, I heard that he will come over to my campus. However, he only met his friends and I overheard that he refuse to meet me. I didn't know why I still kept a pinch of hope to meet him. I told myself he already had someone and I can't be with him. He is not mine... He is not mine anymore.. But the dream about him that I had every night never stopped.The only thing that I hate about it is that the dream becomes my sweetest dream and makes me refused to wake up in the morning, because I knew that once reality hits me, he will gone-

3 years and 10 months passed by, I am here typing this. I told myself that I am still not moving on and I missed him like a lot. I look at his SNS everyday. I wish that I can ~~be with him again~~ wake up with amnesia and forget everything about me and Mr Snowman. I hope everything was just a lie and I never ever met someone like him. How I wish-

Sincerely,

Nyssa

Wrote by Nyssa :)

"Life is like a roller coaster...It has ups and down... But its our choice to scream or enjoy the ride..."
A well said quotes. And its true actually. Kita tak pernah tengok ke bawah apabila kita berada di atas. Dan bila kita di bawah kita sentiasa mendongak mengingat kembali waktu kita di atas. Kalau dalam bahasa Melayu quotes ni sama maksud dengan " Hidup itu umpama roda. Kadang kita di atas dan kadang kita di bawah."
Seriously, kata kata ni menyedarkan nisa supaya sentiasa bersederhana dengan apa yang kita miliki. Bila kita kat atas ingatlah masa masa kita di bawah dulu. Dan apabila kita di bawah, anggaplah apa yang kita lalui di atas tu, satu mimpi yang sangat indah dan kita akan kecapi nya semula bila kita berusaha. Insya Allah. Dalam al Quran pun Allah ada menyebut pada surah al-Baqarah ayat 286. Allah menyebut "Allah tidak memberati seseorang melainkan apa yang terdaya olehnya. Ia mendapat pahala kebaikan yang diusahakannya dan ia juga menanggung dosa kejahatan yang diusahakannya."
So kita kena ingat. Allah itu Maha Mengetahui segala sesuatu. setiap yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. Jadi, kita tak perlulah nak lupa diri dengan apa yang kita sedang miliki dan bersedih dengan apa yang kita tak dapat nak miliki. Nisa faham hati ni mesti akan tanya kenapa kan? Jawapannya... Tunggulah suatu hari nanti.. bila kedut kat muka dah banyak and kita sedang duduk kat kerusi malas mengingat semula hari muda kita... Time tu Insya Allah, baru kita sedar apa yang Allah nak tunjuk kat kita sebenarnya...
Bagi mereka yang gagal... percayalah cakap nisa... takde sesape kat atas muka bumi ni yang gagal... Its just that... We don't get what we really want... But Allah knows the best for us.. so its ok if you guys don't get it...maybe at the end of this long road...you will find something that is better than what we want for...
Bagi mereka yang berjaya... jangan lupa sebut Alhamdulillah dan ingat kejayaan yang ditempah itu milik Allah. Jadi, jangan lupa diri, jangan pernah ujub, riak dan takbur. Jaga hati dan perasaan sesiapa yang tidak senasib dengan anda. Nisa tau sometimes we will feel that a bit like bangga or proud with ourselves. But remember Allah can take that back.. Not to fear you... but its just a reminder for you, my readers nad also myself...
Yes... Itu jelah untuk hari ni... dah pukul berapa dah ni... Harap motivation ni dapat bagi sekelumit kekuatan bagi mereka yang mencari inspirasi dalam hidup..keke~ :)

Wrote by Nyssa :)

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