I am still not moving on Mr Snowman...

Wrote by Post Comment

-19 June 2016-

For about 4 years ago, I decided to break up with him. Leaving him with endless misery. Without any rigid reasons why. I told myself that it's gonna be okay and I will eventually forget him. He will meet someone better than me. Without even thinking about myself even though I know it that I still love him wholeheartedly. I said it's fine just to be his friend. I thought we could repair the broken and impaired part of our 2 years invisible-red-string.

1 year passed by, we are just friend. My heart keeps on told me that I missed him. I miss his voice, so I called him on his birthday. He answered. We had small talks but I know he is different. I thought I was fine. I still smile from that little bliss time I had with him. But little did I know, that was the last time I could heard his voice.

1 years and 6 months passed by, we are strangers. We chat sometime but I was the one who started it. I thought he was busy with his assignment and stuff. Our bond seems faded and eventually lost completely. I try to move on. I try to find a new crush, new love or whatever bullshit that can divert my attentions towards him. I proudly told everyone about that little lie. I even told everyone about our love story - which is a lie and truly blame him. With all the pieces of "little lies" and "true stories", I told myself that I had moved on. Sh-t..

2 years passed by, I heard he already engaged with another girl. His mother choice. I didn't cry or feel sad but I was surprised. I ask him and he explained to me that he already move on, he had someone better. I felt the hole inside my heart, hurt but I said I'm fine. I start to feel it. But I tends to ignore it. 

2 years and 6 months passed by, The hole grew bigger in me. I started to reminisce every single momento I had with him. Sweet. Bitter. Sour. Hurt. I stop told myself that I was okay. I WAS okay. Was- I lived every single day dreaming about him, try hard to fill in the hole inside me. I felt so tired and lost in confusion. I told myself that I am still in love with him. There's nothing like us, like him and me. 

3 years passed by, I heard that he will come over to my campus. However, he only met his friends and I overheard that he refuse to meet me. I didn't know why I still kept a pinch of hope to meet him. I told myself he already had someone and I can't be with him. He is not mine... He is not mine anymore.. But the dream about him that I had every night never stopped.The only thing that I hate about it is that the dream becomes my sweetest dream and makes me refused to wake up in the morning, because I knew that once reality hits me, he will gone-

3 years and 10 months passed by, I am here typing this. I told myself that I am still not moving on and I missed him like a lot. I look at his SNS everyday. I wish that I can be with him again wake up with amnesia and forget everything about me and Mr Snowman. I hope everything was just a lie and I never ever met someone like him. How I wish-

Sincerely,
Nyssa

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